Celebrity divorce smackdown

The Jacksons: Michael and Lisa Marie

When these progenys of musical dynasties tied the knot, money, power, and history united in a spectacle of pop culture glory that warmed even the cold cockles of Bubbles the Chimp’s heart. When they divorced, everyone breathed a sigh of relief at the thought of never having to see them kiss in public again. Especially Bubbles.

Better off? Lisa Marie, but mostly because Jackson’s subsequent years have been plagued with rumors of bankruptcy, more child molestation, and negligent parenting. Hard not to beat that resume.